Cue The Benny Hill Theme

An own goal that even cracked the guilty Danish defender up, and a pounced-on shot off the post that by all rights should have been cleared to the other end. That was the extent of offensive brilliance in the Netherlands’ 2-0 win over Denmark–a match in which a 0-0 (read “nothing nothing”) would have been a truer reflection of the content and balance of play. Lessons to draw: Those who wagered their World Cup wad on the Dutch finally winning a global crown might want to consider saving soap scraps and any lumps of coal they come across for what will probably be a tough winter ahead. Meanwhile, anyone hoping they’d see sparkling defense and thrilling goal keeping this month in South Africa may want to watch Stanley Cup re-runs. Penalty areas and goal faces are largely being policed by footballing Keystone Cops.