Keeping Score

If You Build It, They Will Negotiate: Funny or Die Tackles NFL Lockout

  • Share
  • Read Later
Funny or Die

Finally, a there’s a reason to smile about the NFL lockout.

The Funny or Die crew has parodied the league’s four-month work stoppage in a new video, “the biggest online production in the four-year history” of the comedy site. After all, the filmmakers had to clear a cornfield — and corral some big-name athletes and Hollywood actors — to pull it off.

Called “Field of Dreams 2: Lockout,” the farce plays off the 1989 baseball film, in which an Iowa farmer (Kevin Costner) hears voices – “If you build it, they will come” – and decides to construct a baseball diamond in his backyard cornfield. He then watches ghosts of the disgraced 1919 Chicago White Sox, who threw the World Series for gambling cash, play games on that field. At the end, Costner’s character has a catch with the ghost of his late father, making all moviegoers cry. (If you haven’t seen Field of Dreams, just know that the plot is convoluted, and makes little sense).

(LIST: Top 10 U.S. Sports Strikes and Lockouts)

In the three-minute Funny or Die version, teen heartthrob Taylor Lautner, star of the Twilight movies, resurrects Costner’s role, building a football field in his backyard after hearing mysterious whispers. Locked-out NFL players like Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis, Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson, Atlanta Falcons tight end Tony Gonzalez, and Indianapolis Colts defensive end Dwight Freeney, needing a place to play due to the lockout, emerge from the cornfield – “Wait, I thought we were going to a Waffle House,” says Freeney – and start scrimmaging. The locked-out players wind up crashing at Lautner’s house, where they order pay-per-view movies, drink all the orange soda, and hit on Lautner’s wife, played by actress Marielle Jaffe. Costner and Ray Liotta, who played “Shoeless” Joe Jackson in the original, make cameos. Dennis Haysbert ably reprises James Earl Jones’ character, a reclusive author who eventually chooses to play games with ghosts rather than stay alive in the real world (don’t ask).

The clip is good for a few laughs. But after you finish watching it, feel free to go back to being pissed about the stupid lockout.

(LIST: Top 10 Evil Sports)